For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
