I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
