So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
