Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
