She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
