if you like me you must not know who I am
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
