In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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