Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
