Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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