i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
