The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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