I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
