she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
