our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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