how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
