Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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