Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
