What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
