I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
