I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
