I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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