see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
