I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
