you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
