I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize