I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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