Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Randomize
