Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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