i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
