Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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