The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
