Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
