highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
