Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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