My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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