you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
