Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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