One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
