So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
