You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
