So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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