How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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