Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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