Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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