I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
