Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
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im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
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Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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