I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
