I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
