let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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