My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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