i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
