If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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