Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
