you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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