just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
