Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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