I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
