there's paper in my vomit.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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