i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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