I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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