It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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