her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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