I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
that's an acceptable place to lick
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
And then my night got REAL pukey
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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