Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
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i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
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I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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