What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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