we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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