My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
