do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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